Questioning my Apple Fanboy-ness

I’ve been a card-carrying Apple Fanboy for what seems like an eternity at this point. For a long time, I resisted; but it was going to work for a company whose standard-issue laptops were MacBooks that changed everything back in 2012. (I’m shocked it’s only been six years, honestly.)

Since then, I’ve bought into the Apple ecosystem hook, line and sinker. I traded-in my annoying Android phone for an iPhone years ago. I wear an Apple Watch. I have an iPad Pro (with the Apple Pencil of course). And I’ve officially lost count of the number of Macs in this house. But the big Apple event yesterday, and all the coverage and details, have for the first time left me unexcited and uninspired.

Yeah, I know. They’re pretty phones. They have a new processor that’s really fast. The cameras are great. The screens are amazing. They feel great in your hand. I get all of that.

But… They’re incredibly expensive. And at the end of the day, they still run iOS, and iOS is still a buggy, annoying operating system that repeatedly ensnares you in ways various, irritating ways pretty much every moment of every day — just like most software I use as much as I use iOS.

While I’m hoping some of this gets addressed in iOS 12, I’m pretty much not holding my breath that iMessage will render properly any more consistently than it does in iOS 11 when you encounter certain combinations of taking a picture to send to someone and rotating the phone between portrait and landscape modes.

I’m not holding my breath that Apple will fix usability issues in iOS 12, like looking at your call log, and wanting to get to the Block Caller option, and you touch “here” on the call log list instead of “there” and you start calling back the spammer who just called you, instead of getting the chance to block them.

I’m not holding my breath that the models of iPhone with 3D Touch (of which there are now one fewer) will respond any differently, or any more accurately, when you’re trying to organize your app icons into groups. I’m not convinced that moving icons around will be any less annoying tomorrow as it is today (once 3D Touch lets you, anyway), with stuff moving around and sliding around in ways you don’t want and don’t need, because, goodness knows, iOS must certainly understand better what you want than you do.

And I’m also quite certain that a new iPhone XS Max, with its gorgeous screen, and its fabulous camera and everything else new and faster and better will continue to make me angry each and every time I connect my custom UE Pro in-ear monitors because I have to use a stupid flimsy Lightning-to-headphone-jack adapter because Apple knows the world should move to Bluetooth, and knows we’re better off for forcing us to — except when that’s simply not an option. (And yeah, maybe eliminating the headphone jack in order to provide some level of “oops I dropped my iPhone in the toilet again” protection is a reasonable tradeoff for many.)

Sure, I might well have a weak moment where I badly need some retail therapy, and I might well drop that $1,250 on an iPhone XS Max with 256 Gig of storage. But if the time comes, I’ll throw-up a little inside, and I’ll grumble every time I pay my wireless bill, which will then include the $55 a month or so to installment pay for it. Which, as I write those words, makes me feel even more steadfast in keeping my current iPhone 7 Plus… Do any of us really get $55 a month worth of good out of carrying around an iPhone?

Let’s not go there.

It’s time to trade-in my Apple Fanboy membership card. I still love Apple products, I’m just not drinking the Kool-Aid as readily as I used to.